Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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