I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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