i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just had sex bonerless
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i drank out of a bidet.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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