soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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