I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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