2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
