Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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