there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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