well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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