shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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