Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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