I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
zippers are such a cool invention
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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