then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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