Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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