I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize