I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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