He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize