At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize