Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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