i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize