Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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