Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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