i would punch a child for taco bell
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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