So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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