You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize