My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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