it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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