Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize