I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
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And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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