I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize