New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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