So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize