There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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