I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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