I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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