when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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