New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize