The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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