I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize