i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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