in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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