Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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