I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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