I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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