So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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