She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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