It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
