These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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