The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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