Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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