your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize