In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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